My Humour Blog

Why Indian Hell is so crammed?

2009-07-13T14:40:00.001-07:00

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told,"First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen !!!

Vodka Shot Skills

2009-07-13T14:31:00.001-07:00

A good wife can balance your life...funny

2009-07-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

Why condoms come in 3,6,12

2009-07-13T14:28:00.001-07:00

A manwalks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men.

One for January, one for February, one for March......."

Comedy from UK

2009-07-12T16:13:00.001-07:00

Wated Suicide

2009-07-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

A blonde, socially ridiculed decided to hang herself from a tree in the park and commit suicide.

A little bit later, an old lady walked around noticed her hanging from the rope and swinging.

She asked her what she was doing and if she needed any help.

The blonde firmly replied, "I am committing suicide by hanging."

The old lady says, "You are doing it wrong sweetie, put the noose around your neck not the Waist."

The blonde responses, "Ya giving me trouble again, I tried that, "but I could not breathe."

photos taken at interesting angles

2009-07-11T18:34:00.001-07:00

Freaky Fat lady yelling at skaters

2009-07-11T13:11:00.001-07:00

Funny computer cartoons

2009-07-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

Point System in the world of Romance

2009-07-10T17:13:00.000-07:00

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8)
But if you return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy

(-2)

Named Rita (-4)

Rita is a dancer (-6)

Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned __expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have???

One Great Picture In 1918 !!!

2009-07-10T16:33:00.000-07:00

It is 18,000 men preparing for war in a training camp at Camp Dodge , in
Iowa . EIGHTEEN THOUSAND MEN!!!!!

FACTS: Base to Shoulder: 150 feet; Right Arm: 340 feet; Widest part of arm
holding torch: 12 1/2 feet; Right thumb: 35 feet; Thickest part of body: 29
feet; Left hand length: 30 feet; Face: 60 feet; Nose: 21 feet; Longest spike of
head piece: 70 feet; Torch and flame combined: 980 feet; Number of men in
flame of torch: 12,000; Number of men in torch: 2,800; Number of men in right arm: 1,200;
Number of men in body, head and balance of figure only: 2,000

Total men: 18,000

How do girls download videos from the Internet?

2009-07-10T16:31:00.000-07:00

Never lie to a woman

2009-07-10T16:28:00.001-07:00

A man called home to his wife and said, 'Darling , I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up' 'Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas.'The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, 'Yes! Lots of salmons,
some bluegills,
and a few swordfishes.
But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?'
.
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.
.
.
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A man called home to his wife and said, 'Darling , I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up' 'Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas.'The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, 'Yes! Lots of salmons,
some bluegills,
and a few swordfishes.
But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?'

The wife replied, 'I did dear. They're in your fishing box! ...'

When they say smile, there is a reason behind it

2009-07-10T16:16:00.000-07:00

How good is your eye sight?? Take test

2009-07-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

One good idea to kill your wife

2009-07-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

Why diet control is important??

2009-07-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

Prostitute Parrots!! funny ...

2009-07-10T11:22:00.001-07:00

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"'

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots. I have taught them to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will also learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot

The difference Between Pepsi and Coca-Cola

2009-07-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

Bull chases people to sea

2009-07-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

Police looking for Californian ice cream thief

2009-07-10T11:10:00.001-07:00

He Just wanted to cool offf. Please let him go. Dont arrest him.

The Scientist and his frog

2009-07-10T11:06:00.001-07:00

A Scientist was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The scientist took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the scientist took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The scientist said, "Look I'm a scientist. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, wow that's cool."

Life in a typical day of an American

2009-07-10T11:04:00.000-07:00

John Smith started the day early having set his

alarm clock

(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am.

While his

coffeepot

(MADE IN CHINA)

was perking, he shaved with his

electric razor

(MADE IN HONG KONG)

He put on a

dress shirt

(MADE IN SRI LANKA),

designer jeans

(MADE IN SINGAPORE)

and

tennis shoes

(MADE IN KOREA)

After cooking his breakfast in his new

electric skillet

(MADE IN INDIA)

he sat down with his

calculator

(MADE IN MEXICO)

to see how much he could spend today. After setting his

watch

(MADE IN TAIWAN)

to the

radio

(MADE IN INDIA)

he got in his

car

(MADE IN GERMANY)

filled it with

GAS

(from Saudi Arabia)

and continued his search

for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging

and fruitless day checking his

Computer

(Made In Malaysia),

John decided to relax for a while.

He put on his

sandals

(MADE IN BRAZIL)

poured himself a glass of

wine

(MADE IN FRANCE)

and turned on his

TV

(MADE IN INDONESIA),

and then wondered

why he can't find

a good paying job

in AMERICA

AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A

PRESIDENT

MADE IN KENYA

How to draw Monalisa in MS paint

2009-07-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

The donkey and the dog

2009-07-10T10:55:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time there lived a young man. He had a little dog and he was very fond of it. He would pat its head, and take it on his knee, and talk to it. Then he would give it little bit of food from his own plate.

Once a donkey looked in the window and saw the man and the dog. "Why does he not make a pet of me?" said the donkey. "It is not fair. I work hard, and the dog wags only its tail, and barks and jumps on its own master's knee. It is not fair.

Then the donkey said to himself "if I do what the dog does, he may make a pet of me." So the donkey ran into the room. It brayed as loudly as it could. It wagged its tail so hard that it knocked over a jar on the table. Then it tried to jump on its master's knee. The master thought that the donkey was mad, and he shouted, "help, help". Men came running in with sticks, and they beat the donkey until it ran out of the house, and they drove it back to the field.

"I only did what the dog does", said the donkey "and yet they make a pet of the dog, and they beat me with sticks. It is not fair.”

How to annoy your neighbour

2009-07-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

2009-07-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well,
Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

McDonalds in Pakistan

2009-07-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

Why girls dont like Software Guys

2009-07-03T07:40:00.001-07:00

Bath Tub Test

2009-07-03T07:38:00.001-07:00

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said . "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Married in Train

2009-07-03T07:27:00.001-07:00

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in he lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we're married?" "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.

And she says : "Get up and take it yourself"